How to Sort Through Your Kid's Classroom Folder in 12 Easy Steps

Every afternoon when my kids come home from school, they barrel up the stairs, unzip their backpacks, pull out their half eaten lunches, and thrust their classroom folders in my general direction at precisely the same time.
It’s a pivotal moment. The contents of the dreaded classroom folder will dictate how the rest of my day and evening goes. In other words, there is a direct correlation between the cornucopia of shit that comes out of there and the amount of stress I’m going to have to endure.
But now that my oldest is in fifth grade, I’ve had a few years to figure out a sorting system that’s really made a difference. Believe me the last thing you want do is just open up the folder and go through it willy-nilly. That’s what the dumb moms do.

The Mediocre Mom's Guide to Surviving Kids

So you’ve got kids. Wishing someone had sufficiently warned you about just how much they can test your sanity? I understand. Life’s pretty tolerable when they’re at school, but when they’re not? Things can get hairy. (No, really. Why is there fucking hair all over the bathroom floor?) Look. As much as you’d like to keep them there, they have to come home once in a while, which means you have to suit up for battle.

The key to surviving this shit is in not giving a fuck. About pretty much anything. Okay with being the World’s Okayest Mom? Excellent. Then this is for you: The Mediocre Mom’s Guide to Surviving Kids. Take notes. (Or don’t. That shit’s for overachievers anyway.)

Mom Jealousy

Oh jealousy, you fickle fiend, always rearing your grumpy green head at the absolute worst moment.  As if I wasn’t stressed enough – planning my son’s first birthday and traveling back and forth between the Florida coasts to visit family – that familiar feeling decided to come creeping up recently.  Logically, I know it’s just my own insecurities making me feel like I’m losing some imaginary mom competition (Mompetition?), but that doesn’t seem to help me shake the feeling.

A Letter to the New Autism Parent

Dear Parent,

Welcome to Club Spectrum! You didn't want to be here. Don't feel bad about that. No one signs up for this gig. Think of it this way, at least you now know what the Hell is going on. Better than not knowing at all. Mama Fry ain't no expert but I do have some tips that help you from going bat shit crazy.

1)Pace yourself. You are about to start a never ending marathon.

Know when to take a break. Embrace the couch and some bad TV.

Or if you are one of those gym goers, do that. Avid reader?

Go fire up that kindle or go old school and buy a few books. You're going to have a lot of time in therapy waiting rooms. Might as well enjoy reading some check your brain at the door novels. Know it's okay to get absolutely nothing done on some days. Or weeks.