No Superwoman Here

By Jen Piwtpitt - 3:41 PM

Generally I feel confident in my abilities to do just about anything. I figure if someone else can do it, then I probably can too. This is the attitude I had at 9-years-old when I decided the bar in my closet needed to be raised from little-kid height to normal-person height. I got my dad’s tools, removed the brackets from the wall, repositioned them, re-screwed them in, and replaced the bar. (Sorry, Mom.) I actually did a fine job and the bar is still holding strong today, level and everything. It’s the attitude I had when I decided to try galloping and jumping a horse for the first time, when I traveled alone through Kenya, and when we moved to the middle of nowhere and I decided I could just take Luke everywhere by bike.

Lately though, I just want someone else to deal with it. Like yesterday when I was driving through the freezing rain with a very cranky teething Sally and I got a flat tire. Sure I could have jacked the car up, struggled with the bolts, and put the spare on. As I imagined myself out in the freezing rain, I thought: “If I look sad and helpless enough, some guy will surely pull over to help me, right?” That’s right, I wanted to pull the helpless female card. Instead, I decided to go ahead and ruin the tire by driving it to my mechanic, so he could change it.

It wasn’t long before I was a damsel in distress again. Just before 3:00 this morning the cat started going nuts. She was chasing some living thing all around the bedroom.

“Tim, do you want to get up and see what that is and take care of it?”


He rolled over and went back to sleep and I stayed in bed listening to the hunt. Sure, I could have gotten up and taken care of it, but mice make me scream and stand up on furniture – something I’m not proud of, but accept about myself.

After the sleepless night I got my favorite cords down from the shelf. As I began putting them on, a squirrel fell out of them and ran under the bed. A squirrel was in my pants!! Naturally I screamed and jumped up on the bed. Luke came in at the sound of my scream, and when I screamed again as the squirrel darted across the room he began to scream too. We huddled together on the bed while I (unsuccessfully) explained that the squirrel is more scared of us, that it won’t hurt us, etc. My continued periodic screaming did not effectively underline my point.

Finally Tim came out of the shower to find me and Luke screaming on the bed. He informed me that the bed is not the safe haven I was taking it for. Apparently the whole ordeal started when he felt an animal (non-cat) on the bed in the middle of the night and kicked it off. That’s right, folks. The squirrel was on our bed and Tim just went back to sleep. I scooped up Luke and ran from the room shutting Tim, the cat, and the squirrel in there together. They deserved each other.

Tim eventually caught the squirrel and released it. Had he not been home, the squirrel and cat would still be locked together in the bedroom and I’d stay out of the house until he came home tonight to deal with it.

I know that I’m not presenting the best example of female strength and ability for my kids. I try to be the mom who can do it all: I unclog toilets, release toys from their Fort-Knox packaging and then put them together, mow the lawn, cook (fabulous) meals with a baby on my hip, and bravely receive flu shots. But a squirrel in my pants? Changing a tire with snow on the ground and sleet coming down? No, thanks. I’ll outsource those. After all, the ability to delegate needs to be modeled too, right?

This was originally published on Motherhood WTF?

More About Allison: Allison Hart writes the humorous and sometimes brutally honest blog Motherhood,WTF? Her tagline is: “I’m the mom who makes you feel better about your parenting." She does this by saying the things that other moms have the good sense to only think. Motherhood, WTF? is one of Babble’s Top 100 Mom Blogs of 2012. It was also voted into Circle of Moms Top 25 Humor Mom Blogs in both 2011 and 2012. Her work has also been published at BlogHer, In the Powder Room, and Scary Mommy. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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