Ok, now what I really want to say is: Mom, you sneaky little snake! How dare you keep all these Mommy secrets to yourself!
Anyway, in my two and a half years of Mommyhood, I have learned many things that I never thought I'd ever need to know. Of these things I've learned, I have realized how truly essential they are to remaining sane as a Mommy. So, here are ten of the things I have learned in my Mommy life. Shake up a cocktail and take notes.
10. Sleeping children can sense the moment you sit or lay down, start to read a book, clean, cook or do anything not child related. There's like an alarm attached to their Mommy bone or something. Seriously.
9. Your reaction time to the sound of vomit will marvel that of an Olympic hurdler.
8. By telling a child no, you are essentially challenging them. Pick and choose your battles.
7. If you leave the house without the lovey/stuffy/blankie/friend of the week, be prepared for public displays of crazy. Regardless of how far you've gone, either stop to buy a new one or turn around to get the one you forgot.
6. No matter what time you put the kid(s) to bed, they will undoubtedly be up with the sun.
5. You know that scene in "A Christmas Story" where the kid gets all bundled up and then has to pee? That's not just Hollywood. That's real life, people. Same rule applies when entering any type of watery fun, including bathtime.
4. Baby Einstein DVD's are a gift from God and provide 24 minutes of silence. Use them.
3. At some point in childhood, only one meal will become suitable for your little darling. Keep it in stock both in your house and in the diaper bag. Bring it to restaurants or only go places that have it on the menu. Or stay home.
2. Children do not care or understand how disgusting something is until you make a big deal about it. It is only then that the poop on the ground or the smashed bug or the puddle of vomit becomes exponentially more interesting.
And the number one lesson I've learned as a Mommy is.....
1. If you are asked to read the same book for the 1,756th time, do it. Don't grumble. Don't huff. Don't slam down the last dish in the sink. Smile and read to your baby. One day, you'll be begging for them to look at you, let alone ask to spend time with you.
This was originally published on Mommy Needs a Martini.
Jeannette is a wife, going on 7 years, and a full-time working Mommy to two adorable and very opposite little girls under age 3. My life consists of work, diapers, bottles, stories, naps, power struggles, booboo's, attempts at crafts and, of course, martinis!