In case you hadn't heard, I'm in a book.
I know, it comes as somewhat of a surprise because I haven't been talking much about it lately.
Even I can't say that with a straight face. HA!
So many people have asked me over the last week or so questions like "So, who else is in the book?" and "What are the other essays like?" and "Do I really have to buy it or are you just going to give me one?" I have spent time trying my best to describe the amazing level of talent that I get to rub shoulders with in I Just Want To Be Alone. I have said things like, "These ladies are hilarious!" and "Do you know the blog People I Want To Punch In The Throat?" and "Just buy it and read it. You'll see what I mean."
But I feel as though my explanations have not done the book justice and I've been trying to come up with a way to introduce some of the bloggers in the book in a way that is amusing, relatable and that hasn't been done by the other gals. Some of the Super Cool Lady Writers have done lists of the Worst Pick Up Lines Ever Heard and Ways To Be A Good Wife. Others have super fancy PicMonkey powers and have been generating no joke, legit looking memes that hit the nail on the head. One gal is even promising to show her lady bits in the drive through window of Starbucks if we make it to the NYT Best Sellers List.
I don't know how to use PicMonkey.
I haven't had someone use a pick up line on me in years.
I'm not going to Starbucks naked because, well, I'm not crazy.
I do, however, watch lots of TV. Well, not lots because my husband refuses to pay for cable and we have an antenna that works on every alternate Tuesday. So, basically, if it's on Hulu, I watch it. And, after Sunday's SHOCKING episode of The Good Wife (*sob*), it got me to thinking: what TV show would the Super Cool Lady Writers say their essay most resembled?
So I asked them "What TV show is your essay most like?"
When I say *asked*, I mean I bugged them like a kid sister following the cool senior girls around town. This group is a seriously legit gaggle of writers and, for a newbie like me, I'm still shocked they let me sit with them at lunch and that no one has stolen my lunch money. Yet. Fortunately, they didn't stuff me in a locker and they weren't too cool to give this girl some pretty amusing answers.....
Amy at Funny Is Family: "24. It accounts for every second and you don't know if everyone will survive." Her essay is about her hands on husband. Jack Bauer? Not so much...
Deva at mylifesuckers: "Lost. As in my husband pretends to be lost but really it is just a big evil conspiracy. Also, Lost is his favorite show. Coincidence? I think not." Her husband really does get lost. A lot. And seemingly on purpose....
Nicole at NinjaMomBlog: "Hmmmmm....Seinfeld? It's kind of about nothing." She's right. And she manages to make "nothing" hilarious. I hate her.
Bethany at I Love Them the Most When They're Sleeping: "The Simpsons." Two words: Husband. Gynecologist. You do the math.
Meredith at From Meredith to Mommy: "Big Bang. Duh." Her husband doesn't declare Miller Time. Nope. It's Deuce Dropping Time...
Suzanne at Toulouse and Tonic: "Shear Genius." Hair color and SHEAR hell....
Stacy at Nurse Mommy Laughs: "A cross between The Bachelor and Duck Dynasty." Internet dating has never been funnier....
Abby at Abby Has Issues: "I would like to say "Sex and The City" since I'm single and it's about wanting to just sleep alone but that would be unrealistic to think I'm paid enough as a writer to afford even one pair of Carrie's shoes/a NYC apartment and I don't have a nicotine habit or sex swing like Samantha. Sadly, it would probably be more CSI in that I would be trying to figure out clues on how to get them the hell out of my bed." Abby really does have issues. So do we, she says. She has more.
Courtney at Our Small Moments: "The Amazing Race. Or Friends since they were all young and dumb like us." The first year of marriage...what you should know.....
Meredith at The Mom of The Year: "Duck Dynasty. Except sans Miss Kay's patience...or cooking skills. And instead of ducks, it's bees." Meredith actually lived a not so secret life. With bees. Bless her heart.
Ellen at Sisterhood of Sensible Moms: "How I Met Your Mother." What's a few indecent proposals among friends??
Rebecca at Frugalista Blog: "Modern Family, no doubt." Silly Daddies. Babysitting is for Mommies....
Karen at Baby Sideburns was not available for direct comment however, consensus is that her essay most resembles Wipeout. Or Fear Factor. Read it. You'll understand.
Jen at People I Want To Punch In The Throat: "Survivor: Outwit, Outplay, Outlast." This, ladies and gents, is why she makes the big bucks writing.
I hope this gives you a little insight into what you are in for when you pick up I Just Want To Be Alone for yourself. And your mom. And your sister. And your Best Friend. And that Girl Who's Stupid Bridal Shower You Have To Go To Even Though You Hate Her And Her Stupid Squealy Voice ("....and the dresses are adorbs!"). And the Cashier at Target you see three times a week.
You get my point.
Buy the book RIGHT HERE. I made it so easy. Really. I'm a giver that way.
There's something for everyone. Even someone like me who can only get PBS every alternate Tuesday and when it's not overcast.
This originally appeared on Keeper of the Fruit Loops.
I am the Keeper of The Fruit Loops, Manager of the Fecal Roster and Driver of the People Mover. In other words, I’m a mom. I’m an Erma Bombeck Martha Stewart with a Roseanne twist and I have the mouth and organized cabinets to prove it. I blog about my life with a husband and two fruit loops and I have a fairly decent following on Facebook and Twitter. And by fairly decent, I mean 526 Facebook fans who think I’m hilarious and 108 Tweeters who ignore my tweets. I also Pin things on Pinterest like it’s my job. My husband regularly laughs at my jokes (well, more of a 70/30 split, really) and people usually laugh loudly at me during PTA meetings.