To the Person Who Offended Me and My Mom Friends On the Internet

By I Just Want to Pee Alone - 8:17 PM

To the Person Who Offended Me and My Mom Friends On the Internet

Dear Offensive,

I saw your little joke on the internet. I bet you thought it was hilarious. Well, it’s time to wipe the smile off your winky emoji, sister.

What you obviously didn’t realize is that the words you chose (particularly the fifth and seventh ones, which I will not repeat here) have a coded and offensive meaning known only to me and moms who have experienced the same exact thing I have.

Without so much as a trigger warning, you reminded us of something we’ve worked so hard to forget that we’d almost forgotten it. And now, thanks to your little joke, we’re reliving the pain every time we read your words, over and over.

I decoded your message in painstaking detail, explaining how words five and seven hurt my unexpressed-until-now feelings, asking my similarly situated peers “Is this $@%&* out of line? Share if you agree.” Your words wounded more people than you ever imagined as they climbed up onto my bandwagon of truth. You’re welcome.

In case it’s not clear: You should never make a joke that might hurt another person, even if you couldn’t possibly imagine that person exists because you are an entirely different person.

I demand you apologize, to me and to all the moms who think what I think. If you don’t, we will unfriend you to protest your ignorance of our unknown-to-you-until-now offense and we’ll have nothing more to do with you ever again. That should teach you.

Awaiting your inadequately worded apology,

Always Offended

Peyton Price is the author of Suburban Haiku: Poetic Dispatches From Behind The Picket Fence, which everyone can agree is delightful. You can find her making nice on Facebook and at

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